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I've got a problem.... [Sunday, December 17th, 2006
@ 9:05pm]
All right, well you see, I have this horse named Dreyfus, and he is still a baby. I am working on his bending and he has gotten very good at it. He resists my leg sometimes, so i use short spurs to give him that extra little push.
Well, me being a good friend and all, I let her use him in her lesson, that was before mine, so i figured i could just change saddles and hop on. no big deal, right?
yeah well, when i got on him, he resisted everything i asked him for. he would not bend whatsoever. I tell my friend all the time to work on his bending and she;s all  "I will, dont worry." Yeah well, she obviously didnt. And usually I can get him into a canter from the halt, nope, not then. I had to use soooo much leg to even get him to trot, because she lets him get away with things. and over the jumps, you have to give him lots of leg, otherwise he just kinds of hops over it. she didnt give him leg at all, and she let him run out.
ANNNDDD he already has a bad case of thrust, and she didnt even bother to pick out his feet. I usually get him all ready for her before her lesson cause i get there early enough, well, i didnt happen to get there early and get him all ready for her. so she was all by herself. and anyways, when i got on and he seemed a little off at the walk, i knew something just wasn't right. but i figured maybe it was just me because i hadnt gotten a lot of sleep the night before. we went into a trot and still, something just didnt feel right. so we go into the canter and i can DEF tell that something is not right. his canter was just NOT his regular canter. so i hop off and check his feet....not picked at ALL. i was def mad at this point. but since there was only a couple more minutes in my lesson, id figure id just finish up.
so i go into the barn and i see the friend that i let ride him. i asked her "did you pick his hooves?" and shes all didnt give me a straight answer, so i knew that was a no. so i tell her "he already has a bad case of thrust so you NEED to pick out his feet. he was off when i was riding him. sdkjfhksj" so, she knew i was mad. i take him into an empty stall to untack him. and he goes for the feet bucket, which has the feed that he normally eats in. and she's all yelling at him not to eat it. and im like "dude, he's fine!" and shes all "you're not suppose to let them eat while theyre hot and just been ridden. they can colic. that's how joe (the horse she WAS leasing, but the owners didnt want her to anymore because she kinda ruined their champion horse) began to colic" and im like "well first of all, joe is old and has a lot of problems with him, and second of all, no, he is not going to colic. all these horses eat after their ridden (they eat the hay that's in their stalls)  and third of all, he is NOT hott, i gave him enough time to completely cool down" and shes all in a bad attitude and still trying to get him not to eat. and im all "DUDE, HE'S FINE!" and she still continues to stand by his head so i just let it go. i asked her to get me a hoof pick so i could pick his feet. yeah well, when i picked up his feet, they were def caked with mud and he had rocks in there, AND his thrush had gotten worse. so of course im upset and im all "see, his thrush has gotten worse and he has stones in there. you HAVE to pick his feet!" and now she starts bitching at me to hurry up because we had to help our barn manager clean out the hay loft for a christmas play or something. and im all "well i have to wrap bally's leg still, put his blanket on and turn him out (another horse at our barn). and ill just leave dreyfus (my horse) in here until im done" and shes all "well crook (the horses stall that im in) is being ridden and he's gonna be back soon" and im all "his lesoon just started, i sitll have an hour before i have to move him, its going to be fine. and besides, the barn manager told me to take my time that i was in no rush" and she gets all pissy so im just like "whatever" and go help the other horse. so after im done with bally, i put dreyfus in his own stall. well, i found out that i couldnt stay and had to go with my mom. and i tell the girl that and that id be up tomorrow to help and shes all "well we arent doing it tomorrow, we're doing it TODAY" and im just like "whatever" so i go find the barn manager and tell her that i had to leave to help my mom and she goes "all right, thats no problem, you have stuff to do, no biggie." and im all like "HA!" at the girl.

but the REAL problem is that I put so much time and effort into my horse and to get him bending and learning the stuff that he needs to learn. because we are planning on moving up a division once next show season comes around, and he NEEDS to learn this stuff.
and all of the stuff i teach him is ruined in one hour, because she doesnt teach him anything.
we have a show coming up in a couple weeks, and im sure my trainer is going to ask if i'll let the girl use him in the show
well, i REALLY dont want her to. he's MY horse, not hers. and she IS NOT helping with his training whatsoever.

helpppp me. what do i  do?

[Friday, January 27th, 2006
@ 12:30am]
I really don't think that anyone can understand how much I want this horse::Collapse )

[Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
@ 3:15pm]
Grounded for the next two weeks...

[Thursday, September 9th, 2004
@ 6:37pm]
Dear You,
When I first saw you, I remember telling my best friend that you were "the one"..
Something about you, just captured me and as slim as my chances seemed of ever being yours, I truly believed one day it would be you and me.
The first day, I got to talk to you, was heaven. You had the most beautiful blue eyes and I told you. I suprised even myself when I told you, because I was never that open. . But, you were special and I wanted so bad for you to know that I thought you were. You asked me for a hug and I knew that as I had given you that hug, I would of had gladly handed you my life if you'd have asked for it too. You asked me out a week later. At first, I tried so hard to play it cool, I didn't want to show you exactly how much I loved you, until you called one night and told me you were scared. Scared, I didn't feel for you, what you felt for me. I cried as I told you, the story about the hug and how I cherished it. You never doubted my love for you after that. I remember the ring you gave me and how you always walked with me with your arm around my waist. Your mom loved me and your dad always told you how lucky you were. But, deep inside I knew I was the lucky one. I was there for you, when you got sick and your mom had a hangover. I held your hand through all of your ups and downs and you held mine tighter. You were there for me too, when Bill went crazy you'd call and save me. You rescued me so many times, you were my hero. I remember, lying on your bed in your arms as you played "Digital Love" By Daft Punk ... and we planned how fun it would be when we "ranaway" together. That was our song. We wanted to escape the world together. We were so beautiful.
Summer ended far too fast and we had to go back to school. I was so scared, you'd meet someone new and I'd lose my only one. But, you proved me wrong when you met me in between classes reassure me you loved me and told me how much you missed me. We talked on the phone and saw each other as often as we could during school, but it wasnt enough. Things weren't quite the same after that. I'd go to see you in between classes, but you were busy a lot  because you didn't want to be late and there were even rumors about you and another girl. You denied them and continued to tell me you loved me, only less and less.. We started to get in fights and we had never got in fights. You'd leave my house mad and I even chased you for a mile in the rain once.
But, one night in June, you real got upset. As we sat on a pair of steps you said those awful words, "it's over." I felt my world fall apart slowly and I stayed in bed the whole weekend calling you and calling you. I tried talking to your friends, but they told me you were upset and you didn't want to speak to me. I couldn't believe it was over, I missed you so much I couldn't breathe. It seemed like a month had passed when you finally called me. Your friends started to tell me you were scared I was dating someone else. I wasn't. Then, that night a few days after Christmas, Bill went crazy again.. I had no one I had given it all up for you and my list of friends was not long. You were the only person I could call, I had to get out. You came over as fast as you could and let me hang out with you and your friends all night. I saw how much you had changed, something about the way you tried not to catch my eyes, like you were so scared of getting close to me. All I wanted was you. The times we'd see each other were few and far between, ever once in awhile I'd get the stomach to call you, or you'd call me.
Months past, since we'd spoken and I could no longer chase you, I tried to get over you but it seemed impossible. You called me one day and asked me to come over and hang out, you looked so good and I almost wanted to cry. Your mom wanted us back together and we both knew it. I loved your mom. We spent the day together. We talked about everything and our opinions were always the same. You liked everything I liked, it had always been that way. We watched TV and you held me in your arms, it felt like old times. Then, it started to get late and we deceided to go out for awhile. You and your parents kept getting into fights, as the same with me and mine. We were both scared but you held my hand tight. My mom was scary and I thought to myself, what if this would have been any other girl? Would you have stayed with her through this? I wasn't sure, but as my mom screamed. You hugged me and I started to cry. You had no ride home and my mom said she would be there soon. Those last 30 minutes spent sitting in front of that 7-Eleven that reminded me soo much of the day we started to go out, 7-11.. were the most beautiful 30 minutes of my life. You took my hand and put your fingers through mine. My head was on your shoulder, I wanted so bad to tell you I still loved you and wanted nothing more than to be with you again. But, I couldn't.. I felt it was something you probably didn't want to hear. My mom came and was embarassing as usual.. I wondered again, would you have stayed with another girl through all of this? As  we drove you home I fell asleep with my head on your shoulder. That was one of the last times I saw you, and I will never forget you. We talked a few times on the phone after that, but you held back and I knew I couldn't keep calling, I had to see if you would chase me for once... It broke my heart, when you didn't. But, I knew you'd changed me in so many ways I couldn't explain. Sure, there were all those times you hurt me with your words, but our good memories are the only ones I seem to remember.. So, I wrote you this letter, with no intention to send it to you, but just to remind myself of the most beautiful times we had. I know I could never forget them, but you claimed to love me as I loved you and you forgot. I hope sometime, somewhere, you'll remember me and how I'll always be here.. You've always been my one and only and I'll never forget you. This is my closure. I love you. -me

[Thursday, August 5th, 2004
@ 5:12pm]

wtf?Collapse )

1 comments |comment

[Monday, July 5th, 2004
@ 11:07pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

As soon as I got into the car she asked me if anything was wrong. I said no but boy, was that a lie....

Today My mom woke me up 10 minutes before we had to be at my therapists office. So I quickly brushed my teeth and we hopped in the car. There really wasn't much to talk about today in therapy but whatever. My mom said something that was really cool. She said that if any of my friends are over my house and they need a cig, that all they have to do is ask her if they can bum one off her and she would be glad to give them one. I thought that was really awesome of my mom. Hehe. Then my mom and I stopped at Harris Pharmacy to get my Lexapro; I stayed in the car and listened to the shitty tunes that were on the radio. Then we went over to GNC and Acme. Once again, I stayed in the car and listened to the shitty tunes that were on the radio. Then we FINALLY came home and I bugged my mom into letting me put the a/c on and she let me. Woot woot. She got ready and left to go swimming at Beth's house. I stayed home and watched Ghost World. I am about a little over an hour into the movie. It isn't really what I expected at all. But it is shay good. Then Bill came home and George stopped by. When he left I went into my room and onto my computer. Took a shower and got ready and went to town. Waited for Amanda for like...10 mins at Starbucks and then walked down to CS and chilled there for 5. And just as I was walking out, Chris, Nick, Matt, and Amanda were all walking in the other door. So I went back in and into the back and there they were. Amanda gave me the 10 gauge nipple rings. Hehe. Thank you darling. And then I just sat there, bored out of my mind, watching them play Techno Motion. Wayne came up behind me and stood there for like...3 minutes before I finally noticed. I jumped up and gave him a hug. He sat down in my chair and I gave him a kiss on the cheek and he told me that he loved me and I told him I love him too. He got up and played Techno Motion and the wholetime I was starring RIGHT at his ass. My god. I just wanted to go up there and grab him and just fuck him right there. Mein Got. Wayne talked to me for a little and then him and Charles left. The ONLY reason I didn't follow is because I knew he hasn't hung out with Charles a lot so I figured he wouldn't want annoying ol' me tagging alone. But I was wrong. *tear* We then all walked and yeah. Chris and Amanda went to Doyle while Matt stayed with me because I had to stay in town to be picked up in not too long. We walked to Burpee and then back. It was pointless. As soon as we got there, we decided to turn back. I saw Wayne walking back but he just ran away. That made me sad. *sad face* Then we went to CS and I shadowed him in Techno Motion. I was counting the number of misses that I got, and I barely got any. And he was doing normal too. I was so proud of myself. Haha, sorry. We walked out into the front to call our parents. I saw Wayne and I just knew that he hated me. I couldn't stand it. Then I called my mom and yeah. As we were walking up to Starbucks where we would go our seperate ways, Matt kept bugging me about what was wrong because he knew something was wrong and I looked like I was about to burst into tears. I put on a fake happy personality and told him nothing was wrong and fought back my tears. I just said "bye" and walked away. As soon as I got into the car she asked me if anything was wrong. I said no but boy, was that a lie....I came home and called Wayne back because he had called. I found out that he doesn't love me at the moment anymore because I hung out with Matt all day instead of him. Which I told you way. I wrote it already. And he didn't want to talk to me and hang out with me all day and that he is REALLY pissed off at me. I hung up with him and just started bawling. And yesh, I did cut. But whatever. I am getting back into my old habbits and urgh. I just don't want to get into that right now. I then tried to get the 10 gauges in, but I can't do it alone. So I am going to need someone to help me push it through...

I try the best I can to make everyone happy. But it always ends up not working. And everyone always gets pissed off at me. Man, I try so hard and urgh.

I fucking hate this...

2 comments |comment

[Friday, June 25th, 2004
@ 11:14pm]

Today was actually pretty good. Woke up around noon and just chilled on the computer all day. Got a call from Wayne asking if I was going to town because he wanted me to go and that they would need a ride home. So I called my mother and she said that we would talk about it when she got home. She got home a half hour eariler than she usually does. She checked the mail and my report card was in it. She wouldn't let me take it so I told her that we could look at it together. She said that I did a really good job and then we read the 5 words that basically made us pass out. I had made honor roll. Wow. Lol. I asked Bill if I could go to town tonight and he said yeah because of my fantastic job on my report card. So I fooled around and then hopped into the shower. I was all ready to go when the strorm came. So I had to wait like...10 or 15 minutes before I could actually go there. When I got there, Wayne wasn't there. So I called his cell and he said to come where they were. I did. It was fun. All chilled and more people showed up. Chilled around. People tried to light other peoples hair on fire. My god, funny ass kids. I love those people. Then just chilled around the whole night. Left at 10:30. Yesh yesh. Had a good night.

Tomorrow I have a horseback riding lesson at 12. That lasts until 1-1:30. Then I have to come home and clean the bathroom for my mutti. Then I believe I am going to Megan's party. I am arriving with Ally. Meine Mutti ist driving us there and then ihre Vatter (sp?) ist picking us up. Hot shit, eh? Lol.



[Thursday, June 24th, 2004
@ 11:59pm]
Avenged Sevenfold
You are the most hardcore. You like bands such as
Atreyu, Avenged Sevenfold, Eighteen Visions

How hardcore punk are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

[Friday, December 19th, 2003
@ 2:05pm]

Access Denied...

from here on out it is a Friends Only zone.
you can become my friend and add meh.
leave a comment. and i will add you back!

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